Homosexual Student In the Closet

Dear Journal,

I put on my abercrombie jeans, my hollister shirt, my prada shoes, and my h&m jacket this morning. I got my eyebrows waxed yesterday so their looking fresh, gelled up my hair so that it wouldn't move a bit, and threw on some lip balm so that my lips would look just right. After forty-five minutes, I was ready to go to school.

I got to school like twenty minutes early so I did what I always did. I sat down with John, Jonathan, Chris, Adisa, and that whole crew. They all kept talking about homecoming, I stayed quiet because I didn't go. "I don't even know her name but she had the fattest ass I've ever seen. On some real shit, she broke me." "Chill, she's fake cuz. You see the girl I was dancing with? Now she's real. Plus, at least I bagged this chick. You got nuffin." "Ayo Will, why didn't your faggot ass go to homecoming?" The one question I didn't want asked to me was just asked.


"I was kicking it with this biddie."
"Word? Is she dope?"
"Yea... she's attractive... I guess."
"Where's she from? Does she have friends? You should put me on?"
"She's from... Andover.... yea yea. She's from Andover."
"Yikes! Never mind then. I'm not trooping it for a female."

I knew that Chris wouldn't know anyone from Andover, hence why I said it. I didn't want them to know what I was really doing and where I really was at during homecoming.

I was really at this boy's house. His name is Dan and I met him not too long ago when I went to this gay club near Fenway with my fake ID. He was nineteen and more experienced than I was. All of his friends and family members already know about him being gay. Dan was trying to give me advice on this subject. "If they're your true friends, they'll accept you for who you are. And your family is going to love you regardless. They kinda have to." This did not make me feel better. I was raised into a Christian family and my family thinks that gay people are sinners. My friends that are boys only talk about girls. And if it's not about girls, it's about sports, none which I play.



If I had the choice to be straight, I would be. I watch my friends talk about girls, how they hook up with them and such, and I wish I could relate. I just want to fit in. I don't want to have to pretend that I'm bagging girls in front of them just so that they wouldn't think anything. "Yo, out of all of us, Will is the best dressed and should be bagging more girls, but his swag just ain't right."



I'm tired of hearing this because my swag is right... just not with girls.