Crucible Essay Two

Dora Ocampo
AP English 11 – Mr. George
December 4, 2008
Crucible Essay Two

Have you ever done something that you are not proud of? Something that you wish you could take back, but know that there is nothing that you can do? In “The Crucible,” John Proctor is no different. Proctor is ashamed of and regrets engaging in the act of adultery with Abigail Williams. In order to forgive himself, John Proctor searches for forgiveness from others. What Proctor was not aware of was that he was seeking forgiveness from all the wrong people: Elizabeth and the town’s people. Due to the fact that he was looking for forgiveness from these flawed human beings, he became incapable of forgiving himself, making redemption from anyone difficult.

Through Proctor’s first interaction with Abigail in the play, his devious act of adultery was made known to the audience. Abigail’s forward remarks, “I have something better than hope” […and…] “I am waitin’ for you every night” (Miller 22) remind John Proctor of the sin that he committed. Once Elizabeth’s name was brought into the conversation, John Proctor went from being flirtatious to being hostile. Prior to this interaction with Abigail, Proctor had confessed to Elizabeth about his deceitful sin, yet still does not feel entirely forgiven. Although Proctor received forgiveness from his wife Elizabeth, she still feels skeptical about the situation as a whole and acts cold towards Proctor. Elizabeth’s cold acts take a toll on Proctor, making him feel incapable of ever receiving full redemption. John’s failure of feeling forgiven by Elizabeth influenced him to seek forgiveness from people who are not as emotionally attached.

John Proctor feels he must confess his sins to the town’s people so that he can be forgiven by them. Proctor must put his pride aside and admit to his sin. This is difficult for anyone in the play, not just for Proctor, because of the importance reputation has in Salem. Proctor’s confession said a lot about his character because he remained genuine and true to himself. He was very much conscious of what confessing would do to his name, and Proctor decided to proceed anyways. When Elizabeth attempted to save her husband’s name in court, Proctor was sent directly to jail. He then became confronted with an ultimatum: Proctor either confesses to a lie and lives, or remains true to himself and dies a noble death. Elizabeth plays a big role on Proctor’s decision making in this situation.

Before it was time for Proctor to confess to the court and sign his confession, he meets with Elizabeth for guidance. Elizabeth has forgiven Proctor once already, but refuses to forgive him again if he is incapable of forgiving himself: “It is not my soul, John, it is yours” (136). The entire time Proctor has been worrying about receiving forgiveness from others, but he never once thought about forgiving himself. In Proctor’s conversation with Elizabeth, he realizes his own guilt: “I cannot mount the gibbet like a saint. It is a fraud. I am not that man […] I am no good man” (136). Proctor is not willing to die with people viewing him as a good person. It is safe to believe that the decision made by Proctor in the end was influenced by this epiphany of his.

Just when the audience thought that John Proctor was going to give in under pressure and become disloyal to his character, he snatches away his signed confession and refuses to return it. During this time, Proctor gets the biggest epiphany of all. He finally realizes that forgiveness from others is not what matters the most. No one obtains the ability to judge another and this is something that Elizabeth had already realized and tried to explain to Proctor: “I cannot judge you, John” (135). Proctor realized that God is the ultimate judge and decided to withdraw his confession. Proctor chose to hang and die. This was an easy decision for him to make because he knew that he has been forgiven by the most important and omnipotent person, God.

John Proctor spent more than three months searching for forgiveness from imperfect and flawed people. These three or more months were most difficult for Proctor because everywhere he turned, he saw another reminder of the sin he committed. And it was not until a couple of minutes before his hanging that he realized that the ultimate judge and the only person he needs forgiveness from is God.

Better late than never.